An Anthology of Minor Lunacy
by EmergentWriter
Summary: The daily life of SPR, also known as the epitome of insanity. In between all of that ghost hunting business, that is. What do they do with their down time, anyways? Always complete, drabble challenge!
1. Introduction

**Sooo, I'm back, but I'm in a new fandom! Ghost Hunt is my new obsession, so I decided to do my first ever drabble challenge. Using a list of prompts, I will work through SPR's daily trials and tribulations. Expect assorted pairings, mostly canon, and a fair amount of crack. I won't do the prompts in their specified order, but I will have 1 at the beginning and 100 at the end. Bear with me. So, without further ado, prompt number one; Introduction.**

**Disclaimer; Well, I'm not exactly Japanese. . .**

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**Welcome to Shibuya Psychic Research, or, A Typical Day in the Office**

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"Ow! Watch where you swing that purse, woman!"

"Maybe you should watch your mouth next time, you dirty old man!"

"You know, Matsuzaki-san, it wasn't technically Takigawa-san who called you obaa-san... Even if it is highly accurate at some times."

"Calm down, please, everyone..."

"Brown-san... It is no use. You know how they are."

"... I'm leaving."

"Mai! Tea!"

... Oh, hello! You must be our client. I apologize for the chaos; it's not often that all of us are in here together. I'll be right back, just let me get Naru- ah, Shibuya-san, his tea.

Take a seat anywhere you can find!

"Mai, tea, I said!"

"Hai, hai! Mou, what a slave driver..."

Ah, sorry for the wait! Have some tea while you wait for everyone, it'll get cold otherwise. While Shibuya-san collects his files ("Isn't that your job, Mai?"), I'll introduce you to everyone, I guess. We're really not that crazy, I promise!

The lady with the bright red hair who's swinging her purse around is Matsuzaki Ayako-san. She's our resident miko, and although she says she can do exorcisms, not a lot of them actually work. Don't tell her I said that, though, or she'll have my skin! She's also a nurse, and she's kind of like a mom to all of us.

The man with the ponytail getting hit by Ayako is Takigawa Houshou-san, but most of us just call him Bou-san, seeing as he's a monk. Well, kind of. He's off the mountain right now, because they wouldn't let him have his CDs with him. Right! He's also the bassist in a band, isn't that cool? Together, he and Ayako are the parents.

The guy with the glasses who's laughing at everyone is Yasuhara-san. He's still a student, but he helps us out on cases that involve a lot of research. Don't trust him, whatever you do. He may look like innocent, but he's a trickster! Like that time in the Urado case when...

Sorry, back on topic!

The blond trying to calm everyone down (unsuccessfully, might I add) is John Brown-san. He's from Australia, and he's a Catholic priest.

... What? Oh, he looks a lot younger than he is. Believe me, he's one of the best exorcists here. He's just so calm and friendly all the time... I don't know how he does it.

I'm sure you know Masako, er, Hara-san. She's on TV all the time. Yes, the medium. See, I knew you'd have heard of her! She's... complicated, I suppose. Honestly, she's like a slightly annoying younger sibling.

"Mai, where on earth did you put the folder for this case? Surely even with your lesser intellect you can file a single piece of paper."

"It's on your desk! Don't blame me if you spilled your precious tea on it!"

Lin-san is Lin-san. He's really quiet, from China, and a little bit scary. That's really all I know about him.

Oh! I forgot to introduce myself! My name is Taniyama Mai, but you can just call me Mai. I'm basically here to brew tea and file stuff that Shibuya-san can't be bothered to put away. It's nice to meet you!

... Who's our manager? Ah. That's a tricky one.

Well, you know we're Shibuya Psychic Research, and that our manager is Shibuya Kazuya-san. He's such an idiot scientist, and he's only seventeen, as well! But honestly, don't be fooled. He looks like an angel, but he's the devil incarnate!

In fact, he's so arrogant and narcissistic, I nicknamed him Naru, short for narcissist. And don't even get me started on his tea addiction! I swear I brew around twenty cups a day just for him, not even counting everyone else. And he doesn't sleep, either-

Eh? Someone's behind me...?

"Ow! Ayako, don't hit- Naru!"

"I don't pay you to sit around and socialize with our clients, Mai."

"But NARU-!"

"Mai..."

"That actually is what you pay me for, you jer-"

"Ignore my moron of an assistant. Now, if you could begin by telling me when the hauntings began...?"

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**Next prompt, probably to be uploaded tonight will be number 61; Fairy Tale. The title is; The Narcissist's New Clothes, or, That One Time Naru Was Tricked!**

**Reviews are muchly appreciated! Keep 'em coming!**


	2. Fairy Tale

**So I decided that I want to try and upload one of these a day... so you'll all love me, of course. Translations for unknown Japanese words will be at the end, though I think there's only one non-obvious one.**

**Disclaimer; Mmm. Much as I'd love to own Naru in boxers, I'm afraid I'll have to defer rights to Fuyumi Ono.**

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**Prompt number 61; Fairy Tale**

**The Narcissist's New Clothes, or, That One Time Naru Was Tricked**

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Long, long ago, in a kingdom-

"You're calling it a kingdom?"

"You can't even let me get past the first sentence?"

Long, long ago, in a slightly-smaller-than-a-kingdom-sized county-

"Hn. Better."

"Shut UP, you jerk!"

"Please continue, Mai-san."

-_county_, there lived a lord who cared only for his own appearance. He cared nothing for his soldiers, nor for hunting, and nor for the theatre, unless it involved showing off his own grandeur.

"That doesn't remind me of anyone, does it? _Naru-chan?"_

Nonetheless, life was pleasant in the small county where he lived. Many travelers came to it every day, attracted by the booming market and the supposed good looks of its teenage heir.

One day, two swindlers arrived in town, by the names of Takigawa and Matsuzaki. They gave themselves out as weavers and proclaimed that they knew how to weave the most beautiful fabrics imaginable. Not only were the patterns unusually fine, but the clothes that were made of this cloth had the peculiar quality of becoming invisible to every person who was undeserving of his ranking, or who was impossibly dull.

"Ne, jou-chan, why am I the swindler? And with that miko, too."

"Who're you calling _that miko_?!"

The young lord was admiring his visage in one of many mirrors when his young servant girl burst through the doors. "Naru!" she cried (for so narcissistic was he). "Your mother, Lady Luella, requests your presence _immediately._"

Naru gave the enthusiastic girl a bored glance and then turned back to his reflection. "Mai," he said (for that was the servant's name), "tea."

The string of muttered expletives trailing behind the slammed door was quite impressive for a youth of the girl's tender age.

"Naru," came a deep voice from the young lord's left, and a tall man stepped out from the murky shadows. "Is something wrong, Lin?" came the cold, yet expected, answer. "Perhaps, just this once, it would do you well to heed your mother."

Naru sighed and set both hands on the dresser in front of him, dark eyes inscrutable. "If it must be done, I suppose there is no escaping it," he said exasperatedly, making his way down to the aforementioned meeting room.

When he arrived in the hall, Naru first bowed stiffly to his father, Lord Martin, before turning to his mother. "Noll, dear," she said warmly, "no need to be so formal." She waved a gracious hand to her right, and the two swindlers emerged.

"Is there something you wished of me?" Naru said tartly, aching to return to his reflection and his presumably now-cold tea. "Noll, dear. Madoka told me that all you wear is black, and it's really not fitting for the heir to the land, is it?"

Mori Madoka smiled at Naru conspiratorially from Luella's side, winking when she saw his dour face. "You have been listening to your advisor too often, mother," he bit out, glowering at the beaming woman.

"Nonsense. Now, these lovely people are Takigawa-san and Matsuzaki-san. They're going to be making you some new clothes, and don't you dare protest, Noll, or I shall take away all of your psychology books."

To Luella's satisfaction, Naru looked dumbfounded. "Now, I must attend a tea with Lady Evans, you know how she gets when people are late. Come along, Madoka!" And with that, Luella swept gracefully out of the room, leaving a stunned Naru in her wake.

"Ha! Naru totally just got owned by his mom!"

"Takigawa-san, I advise you to shut your mouth before I am inspired to shut it for you."

The two swindlers looked at each other for a second before bursting into raucous laughter. "Ha! Naru totally just got owned by his mother!" the brunette man exclaimed. A swift slap to the head was the red-headed woman's retribution. "Honestly, you stupid monk. Can't you ever keep your mouth shut?" she sighed as she examined her manicured nails disinterestedly.

Furious, Naru stormed back to his room, where a hot cup of tea was waiting. Well, at least that Mai girl was good for something.

"That really is the only reason I keep you around here, you know."

"You jerk! No tea for a week!"

The two swindlers set up their looms at once and pretended to weave, but they had nothing on their shuttles. Madoka, who was in on their ingenious plan, quickly siphoned off the large sum of money they had demanded from the start, and used it to buy a large number of parapsychology textbooks. In fact, nearly everyone was involved, save the young lord himself.

In his chambers, Naru was wondering why the weavers were working so late into the night. Eventually, he made up his mind to go check on them. "After all," he thought wryly, "even those idiots must have accomplished something by now."

He was slightly apprehensive of viewing the cloth, for what if he was unable to see it? Surely he, the genius, was worthy of his position as sole heir to the land. Naru's pride simply would not allow otherwise. Thinking quickly, he called Mai to his quarters.

"Oooh, Mai, someone's going to get some action!"

"Ayako, shut up and listen. I-it's not like that!"

"Mai," came the narcissist's cold voice. "Fetch John Brown-san and send him to the weavers. I would have him report on their progress for me." After all, John was a priest. There was no way he could lie to his face. After Naru's speech was finished, he expected Mai to run immediately to do his bidding.

Instead, she hovered by the door, rocking gently on her heels. "What?" he snapped. "A thank you once in a while would be nice, you jerk!" she exclaimed as she stormed away. Someday, Naru was sure that door would come off of its hinges.

So John Brown went into the room where the two swindlers sat working at the empty loom. _Heavens help us,_ he thought, _they're up to it again._

"Ohayo, Takigawa-san, Matsuzaki-san. Who asked for it this time?" he asked politely as he stepped into the room, alb trailing behind him. Matsuzaki Ayako looked up as he entered, smirking wickedly. "Ohayo, John-kun. The lady of the manor herself, if you can believe it. Or, more specifically, Madoka."

John sighed, albeit fondly. "What shall I tell the young master?" Takigawa smiled. "Oh, the usual. Colorful, but not gaudy. Patterned, but not garish. Elegant and sophisticated design."

"Wow, monk, big words. Didn't know you had it in you."

"Wow, miko, at least I don't smirk wickedly."

"Both of you, stop taunting my writing skills!"

When John returned and gave his mild-mannered report, Naru was satisfied. . . for a week. After seven long days had passed, he grew impatient (as he was wont to do), and once again called Mai to his room.

"Fetch me Hara-san." Mai's pretty face contorted into a grimace. "Oh, _Masako-chan_? I'm sure she'd love to hear from you." Naru's face mirrored Mai's as he considered the wisdom of calling for the medium, but before he could undo his request (order), Mai was already gone.

Minutes later, a slender figure in a kimono appeared, black hair bobbing with every step she took. "You called, Shibuya-san?" Naru frowned, and then quickly rearranged his features into a calm expression. Frowning caused wrinkles, after all.

"Check on the weavers. Their demand for materials has grown exponentially, and I do not want to see a drain on the town's resources." "Of course," Masako said softly, cobalt sleeve against her mouth as she slipped out again, heading towards the drawing room.

Ayako looked up when Masako entered, and quickly stood up and bowed deeply. Here was someone who was not in on the plan, and she and Takigawa had to be careful. "Yoroshiku onegaishimasu, Hara-sama," Takigawa said, bowing deeply beside Ayako.

"So this is the fabled cloth?" Masako said quietly, keeping her sleeve in front of her mouth to hide her shock. There was nothing on the loom. Did that mean she was unworthy of her position as court medium?

"Of course, my lady," Ayako said boastfully as she pretended to hold it up. "See how it sparkles so radiantly in the morning light?" Masako frowned. She could not see a thing! Takigawa joined Ayako, saying, "Are the patterns not beautiful?" Both colour and pattern were, of course, nowhere to be seen.

_I know I am no fool, _thought Masako,_ so it must be that I am unfit for my position. It is very strange, but one must not let it appear to be so._ So she praised the weavers with words of wonder and delight, and quickly departed to report to Naru.

"It is beautiful," she assured him, not wanting to reveal that she was supposedly not fit for her job. She then departed without a word, eager to escape the crushing atmosphere.

"Thank you, Taniyama-san, for portraying me as a fool."

"Ne, Masako, don't be like that! John-san was too, wasn't he?"

Now, Naru thought he might like to see the cloth while it was still on the loom. So, accompanied by a large number of selected scholars, he went to visit the crafty imposters, who were working away as hard as they could on the empty loom.

"Is it not delightful?" said all of the scholars. "Surely, it is grand!" And they pointed to the empty loom, for they each thought no doubt the others could see the stuff, and did not wish to be made fools of.

_What?_ thought Naru. _I see nothing at all! This is terrible. Am I to be considered a fool, or unfit to be lord? Nothing worse could happen to me, save Mai running out of tea._

"Of course, it is lovely," he said smoothly. "I should expect nothing less from Takigawa and Matsuzaki-san. And he nodded in satisfaction. Ayako grinned. "Then, may I suggest that you wear a suit made of this for the annual psychics convention?"

Immediately, approval spread throughout the room, Madoka and John being the most dedicated supporters of the idea. Takigawa and Ayako smiled behind their hands, while Masako continued to look confused. From the door, Luella smiled before slipping away.

"Naru-bou's going to have fun with this one, ne?"

"Well, Mai is, at least."

When the day off the convention came, Naru and his most clever scholars went to the swindlers themselves, and both weavers raised one arm in the air, as if they were holding something. They said, "See, these are the trousers. And this is the shirt," and so on. "It is as light as spider's silk. One might think there was nothing on, but that is the very beauty of it."

"Of course," replied the scholars, including John and Masako, but they could not see anything, for there was nothing to see. Takigawa and Ayako grinned behind their hands. "If his grace would deign to put them on?"

With an exasperated huff, Naru turned to Lin. "Must I?" he whined, in the most dignified way possible. Lin's only response was a single nod of his head.

With haste, Takigawa gripped Naru's wrist and pulled him out of the room, holding the "clothes" in his other hand. "We will be back shortly!" he cried, and then disappeared into the dressing room.

There was a short pause, and then Mai, who was sitting quietly in the corner, turned to Ayako, who was touching up her makeup. "I wonder when he's going to find out?" she asked softly. Beside her, a young kitchen boy grinned, torchlight glinting off of his glasses.

"Finally, I appear in the story! Though it's a shame there's no tragic love triangle between the monk, the miko, and myself."

"Watch your mouth, shounen."

"Well, I suppose I am as ready as can be expected," sighed Naru as he turned around in front of one of his many mirrors, clad only in navy blue boxers. He turned to Takigawa for support, which he immediately gave.

"How well you fit those clothes, sir! How becoming they are," exclaimed the devious monk. "The procession to the psychic convention is waiting outside for you." "Let us proceed," grumbled the youth, sullen as always.

Naru stepped back into the drawing room, and immediately his scholars burst into cries of delight. "How marvelous!" "The colours become you perfectly!" Naru ignored them, and proceeded to sweep past them to lead the procession with his grinning mother and father.

"I'm serious. Unrequited love can be a major plot point."

"Shounen, shut up."

When Naru walked into the meeting room where the convention was to be held, he lifted his chin and straightened his spine. After all, he had new clothes and his beautiful face. Who would not be proud?

Everybody seated at the tables applauded, and gave shouts of disbelief. They were either unwilling to admit that they were fools or unfit for their position, or they were (the most likely option) informed of Madoka's plan.

Naru had almost reached his table at the front when he heard a stifled laugh from the doors to the kitchen. "Look, Mai-chan," cried a kitchen boy by the name of Yasuhara, pointing towards Naru.

"What, Yasu? I've seen his grace before, but- oh!" The girl broke off, flushing crimson and dropping the cup of steaming tea she held down her front. "He has no clothes on!" "Shh," Yasuhara said conspiratorially. "You mustn't speak ill of him in such a public place."

"But," Mai said, her shrill voice rising to a shout, "_he has no clothes on_!" And at last everyone knew that their plan to humble the narcissist was complete, as he stared around unbelievingly.

After a short pause, the red flush running down Naru's collarbones was visible to everyone present as he stormed out of the room. There was another pause, and then stifled laughter came from a combination of the most likely and unlikely sources.

Stifled chuckles emitted from Lin, Naru's most trusted advisor, as he met the eyes of Mori Madoka, Lady Luella's advisor. Unrestrained laughter echoed around the room from Yasuhara, Ayako, and Takigawa, and even a smile was wrought from John. Masako looked mortified, as she had never been informed of the plan.

And Mai? Well, Mai had fainted dead away at the sight of a shirtless Naru, and Yasuhara was currently supporting her.

"Oh, Naru-chan, she got you _good_."

After a few weeks, life was back to normal. Naru was staring at mirrors and ordering tea, Mai was running around falling down stairs, and Ayako and Takigawa had moved their lucrative business to another location.

However, Naru always kept in mind the time he was tricked, and his narcissism never again grew _too _out of control.

Ah, well. All's well that ends well, ne?

The End

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"Wow, Mai-chan, I never knew you could write like this," Yasuhara said enviously as he set down the paper.

"An A, do you see that, you stupid narcissist? An _A._" Mai brandished the paper at her boss, only to find that he had disappeared into his office, probably glowering at the thought of being practically naked in front of everyone. "Mou, that jerk! He could at least be happy that I'm doing well in school for once! After all, he's the one that always calls me stupid!"

"Don't mind him, Mai," Ayako said comfortingly, patting the girl on the head. "He's just grumpy because he was made fun of." "But -!" The phone ringing loudly in its holder cut off Mai's protests. "I'll get it!" she cried, jumping up quickly.

"Shibuya Psychic Research, how can I help you?" she said cheerfully, all traces of irritation gone from her voice. "Ah, Mai!" Luella's warm voice traveled down the line, tinny with distortion.

"I was just wondering if I could speak with Noll? I bought him some new clothing recently, I hope he doesn't mind. . ."

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**Oh, Luella, your timing is impeccable. . . Hope you enjoyed that! Now, translations. . .**

**Yoroshiku onegaishimasu; commonly translated as, "I'm very pleased to meet you," but I think the literal meaning is closer to, "I'm in your care."**

**Next time, on An Anthology of Minor Lunacy; prompt number 96; In the Storm! The title is; It's Raining Again, or, Too Many Cups of Tea!**

**Remember to drop me a review!**


	3. In the Storm

**This one kind of strays outside of the Humour category, and so will the next one, heading more towards Hurt/Comfort, but I have this strange feeling no one cares. . . Naru/Mai, anyone? :)**

**Disclaimer; I do not own Ghost Hunt, nor do I own The Emperor's New Clothes, by Hans Christian Andersen, which I forgot to mention last chapter.**

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**Prompt number 96; In the Storm**

**It's Raining Again, or, Too Many Cups of Tea**

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Mai loved rain. The way the drops pattered on the roof, the spreading concentric circles in puddles, and especially umbrellas. Umbrellas, she had decided, were the single most fascinating thing to look at from a high-up office window.

It was funny, she mused, how peoples' personalities were reflected in their umbrella choice. Lin-san's umbrella was plain black (no surprise there). Masako's was a delicate sky blue, with sakura blossoms dotting the rim. Mai's own umbrella was white with pink polka-dots.

Naru? Well... Naru didn't really have an umbrella. He would either get Lin to drive him in the big white SPR van or he would simply not walk anywhere in the rain. A true mystery.

Mai sighed, watching two fat raindrops slither down the glass in a pseudo-race, trickling steadily towards the bottom. It had been a while since Naru last called for tea, and she supposed she had better get on with it, in preparation for his next demand.

She stood, smoothing out her wrinkled skirt, and the chair made an awful noise as it scraped along the floor. She glanced nervously at Lin's door (how he hated loud sounds!) before remembering that he had gone home for the day.

Right on target, Naru's voice rang out, muffled slightly behind his office door. "Mai! Tea!" Mai smiled ruefully at herself as she picked up the kettle, swinging it off one finger as she skipped towards the sink.

"Hai!" she called back, the epitome of mocking cheerfulness. "Don't be cheeky, Mai," came Naru's voice from directly behind her, and Mai shrieked and dropped the kettle (full of water) into the sink. It landed with a sullen clunk.

"N-naru! Geez, don't do that!" she stammered as she picked up the offending kitchenware and slammed it onto the stove. "Pull that again, and you can make your own tea!"

"I'd fire you before that happened," he said, and Mai's face immediately flushed red with anger. "You can't just fire me like that! I do other things around here too!"

"Oh, really? I was under the impression that all you did was sleep on the job," Naru smirked, and Mai's mouth dropped open in outrage. "If I didn't have those dreams on those cases, it would've taken you twice as long to solve them, and you know it!"

"You mean like the information it took six of you to put together in the time it took only me? Pardon my ignorance," came the biting retort.

The kettle whistled loudly on the stove, but neither of the room's two occupants noticed in their fighting.

"At least I wasn't possessed and in what was basically a spiritual coma!"

"I was keeping it contained so that it wouldn't escape. Obviously, your tiny brain cannot grasp that concept."

"At least I care about my coworkers!"

"At least I don't get them hurt."

A flash of lightning cut through the charged air, and Mai's shocked face was lit up in stark contrast to Naru's icy cold expression. The following clap of thunder resulted in the power being cut, and the whistling kettle suddenly being silenced.

The quiet was deafening.

"Fine," Mai said, bangs hiding her eyes from Naru's view, voice shaking. Her hands trembled horribly as she quickly prepared Naru's beloved tea. Obviously that was the only reason he kept her here.

"Fine," she repeated as she slammed the cup down in front of him, not even wincing as the scalding liquid sloshed onto her hand. "I'm done. I'm done with you and your condescending everything. I'm done with being treated like an idiot. I'm leaving."

And with that, Mai spun on her heel and walked quickly to the door, pulling on her yellow gumboots and rainjacket. Tears streaming down her cheeks, she whipped open the door and ran through it and down the hall, not even bothering to slam it behind her.

Naru could hear her sobs from his office, and only one thought occurred to him as he looked unseeingly down at his burning hand and lukewarm tea.

_What have I done?_

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**Ha! I bet you all thought I was going to go for the physical meaning of storm, not the emotional one :) Surprise!**

**Next time on An Anthology of Minor Lunacy; prompt number 55; Waiting! The title is; A Spirit's Journey, or, John Performs a Cleansing!**

**Remember to drop me a review!**


	4. Waiting

**Hm. This one's really short, and I'm not really sure if I like it or not. In case no one catches on, it's written from the perspective of a spirit John is exorcising/cleansing. **

**Disclaimer; Do not own.**

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**Prompt number 55; Waiting**

**A Spirit's Journey, or, John Performs a Cleansing**

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Please... It's so dark here... And cold... Won't you help me?

_"In the beginning was the Word..."_

I can't see anything... It's all black, where did the light go? I remember only a little bit... There was a loud sound... And then nothing...

_"And the Word was with God..."_

I don't know what it was... It was so loud, and it's so quiet here... Where am I?

_"And the Word was God."_

Who are you? Where am I? Why am I... transparent?

Am I... maybe... dead?

Please, help me!

_"He was with God in the beginning."_

He's got a gun... He's going to shoot me! Don't let him shoot my children! Help me! He's going to shoot!

_"Through him all things were made; without him, nothing was made that has been made_."

There is red... So much red... I am dying, aren't I?

What did I do to deserve this?

Who will take care of my children?

Do something!

_"In him was life,"_

Chiasa? Kanna? What are you doing here?

_"And that life was the light of men."_

Are you coming to save me? But I failed to save you... Mother loves you, you know...

Can you ever forgive me?

_"The light shines in the darkness,"_

Please... Take my hands...

Take me with you, towards the light...

I can see now... My children, I am coming to be with you...

_"And the darkness has not overcome it."_

Thank you... I understand now...

It is warm now... The light is growing brighter... I have waited for so long for this moment to arrive...

Let me become one with the light... Let me reunite with my beloved children...

_"In principio."_

Thank you...

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**Meh, I don't know :p **

**Next time on An Anthology of Minor Lunacy; prompt number 14; Smile! The title is; Jasmine Tea, or, Mai and Lin Finally Properly Interact!**

**Remember to drop me a review!**


	5. Smile

**Surprise! Double update! I'm doing this because I can, and I want to, and I love my singular reviewer. Yeah, you heard me.**

**This chapter is dedicated to Ms. Demonic Shinigami, because she is my one reviewer, and she wanted to see this ship. And I was like, yeah, why not, she reviews and stuff! So, maybe if you review, and I respond to you in a PM, you can say what ship you'd like to see. If it's within reason, I'll try my best :)**

**This takes place before the Urado arc, in terms of in-universe timing.**

**Disclaimer; Ahaha NO.**

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**Prompt number 14; Smile**

**Jasmine Tea, or, Mai and Lin Finally Properly Interact**

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"Lin-san?" I tapped gently on his office door, wincing as my knuckles connected with the hard wood. Lin's going to kill me; that knock came out louder than I expected it to, and he hates being interrupted when he's working.

I hear a short break in his incessant typing, and then a sigh. "What would you like, Taniyama-san?" His deep voice rumbles through the door, closer than I thought it would be, and I leap back, fumbling with the tea tray I use for Naru.

"N-nothing! Ah- I was just wondering if you would like some tea?" Ever since I arrived at SPR, Lin has always been closed off from everyone but Naru, and I was kind of hoping that I could break that trend. So what better way to do that than with a peace offering of tea?

His answer is quick, sharp, and not entirely unexpected; "No, thank you." And then the typing starts up again, a gentle tapping of elegant fingers on keys. I sigh, puffing out my cheeks and blowing brown bangs out of my eyes. Well, there's always tomorrow.

Tomorrow turns into next week, which in turn grows into next month, and I am still yet to pull a smile out of the stoic Chinese man. Offerings of tea are a daily occurrence, but then again, so are his rejections.

I've also tried sandwiches, cookies, mochi, and any other sort of foodstuff you can possibly think of, which leads me to the conclusion that Lin-san is not human; he is a machine. A robot, to be precise.

I drop off Naru's tea for him (no thank you, _again_), hand Bou-san his favourite iced coffee, and then tiptoe towards the ominous lair that is Lin's office. I gather my courage, and then rap softly on the doorframe.

"Yes, Taniyama-san?" I clutch the tea tray closer to my chest, my knuckles turning white as I squeeze the rim. "Ano, would you like some tea?" Lin's answer is the usual, abrupt, "No, thank you." I groan.

"But, I bought jasmine tea, specially for you!" It's not a lie; when Naru sent me out to buy more tea, I stood in the aisle for fifteen minutes with the excess money, wondering which type of tea would appeal to Lin-san the most.

There is another short pause, and this one seems more contemplative, rather than annoyed. "Maybe later," he says finally, resuming his typing. I grin at the soft light filtering under the door. _Maybe later_ is a definite step up from _no._

It is almost the end of the day when I realize that Lin has yet to emerge from his office today. Sighing, I begin boiling the kettle for Naru's cup of tea when an ingenious idea strikes me. Instead of asking from the outside, I could simply bring the tea to Lin-san. _That_ is a bold idea though…

A smile tugs at the edges of my lips as they quirk upwards into a grin. Since when has the obstacle of being bold ever stopped me before? I hum quietly to myself as I add enough water for one more person to the kettle.

Reaching into the cupboard, I not only grab Naru's usual tea, but the jasmine tea I bought earlier. I scoop a small amount of tea leaves into each cup, and am careful to keep them separate, even if I could tell them apart by smell if they got mixed up.

The kettle whistles, and I take it off the ring and pour the steaming water into the mugs, watching the tea leaves float and swirl as they dye the liquid golden brown. Then I put both cups on the tray and proceed first to Naru's office.

After I have dropped off his tea (no thanks from the stupid addict), I venture nervously towards Lin-san's door. What if he doesn't want me intruding? What if I'm just being a bother, as usual? I take a deep breath, and push open the door.

What I find surprises me. Instead of the stiff-backed, strict Lin that we work with, he is slumped over his desk, one hand supporting his head, black bangs nearly brushing the desktop.

"Lin-san?" I say softly, walking towards him. He turns and looks at me, surprise evident in his eyes. "Ah, Taniyama-san. What are you doing in here?" I step back, waving my hands in front of me. "J-just dropping off some tea! I know you said you didn't want any but I thought that you would be tired from working all day and I was wondering if you would like a drink because I know I get thirsty working in here so I was just making tea for Naru and-"

I am cut off by the miraculous sight of Lin's eyes crinkling upwards in amusement as he watches me babble. I shut my mouth quickly and glower at him. "What's so funny?" I say, as he picks up the cup of tea. "Nothing," he shoots back quickly.

I stop, as I realize he is actually, fully, really _smiling,_ his head tilted ever so slightly to the side and his bangs obscuring half of one eye. I flush crimson, and stare at him. His smile grows at my embarrassment.

"Thank you, Mai-san."

* * *

***shrugs* What can I say? I tried :D**

**Next time on An Anthology of Minor Lunacy; prompt number 36; Precious Treasure! The title is; Bonded, or, SPR has a Showdown!**

**Remember to drop me a review (see top A/N for motivation)!**


	6. Precious Treasure

**I'm so sorry, everyone! I'm sure that as much as you'd love to hear my crazy explanations for everything, you'd like to read the story more! Here is a short drabble, around 350 words. Not my best work, but it's a drabble, ne?**

**For all those who reviewed and PMd me; rest assured, yours is getting there! I need to post the title at the bottom or my OCD won't be satisfied, so don't be alarmed if it isn't right away. I'll mention a dedication at the bottom if your chapter is up next :)**

**Disclaimer; Unless Fuyumi Ono has taken unknowing possession of me, I don't own Ghost Hunt.**

* * *

**Prompt number 36; Precious Treasure**

**Bonded, or, SPR has a Showdown**

* * *

They all had something they held close to their hearts. Mai had known that from the beginning. It was in their actions, their thoughts, even their words, when they weren't paying attention.

It was in the way Lin carried around his laptop like it was a child. Delicately, carefully. A case would not be complete without the steady tapping of his fingers on the lettered keys.

It was the way Masako held her professionalism like a torch, letting it burn bright above everyone else. The way she wore kimonos instead of jeans, and a yukata instead of sneakers. The day she wore a t-shirt would be akin to the day the world ended.

It was in John's quiet empathy, and although he never held any physical attachment to anything, his devotion to prayer was always self-evident. Holy water and a bible passage had saved SPR on more than one occasion.

It was the way Ayako carried her purse with her wherever she went, whether it was to abuse Bou-san or store band-aids for whenever Mai hurt herself. Which was often.

It was when Bou-san ran into a room, chanting, and holding his tokkosho as a tool against the supernatural. Mai had felt a sense of awe when he entrusted her with it, however briefly, as she knew he was giving up his most prized possession.

Naru, of course, would never be properly depicted without his cup of tea. The image of a young man at his desk with a steaming mug beside him was iconic of the adolescent ghost hunter.

Mai herself gripped the key in her pocket as she looked around the room. Her colleagues were in a tight circle, shoulder to shoulder as the spirits advanced. Brown eyes met blue eyes met brown eyes again as looks were traded through the group.

In that moment, Mai realized that the material objects they prized were nothing more than physical attachments. The most precious thing they had was their time together, and the memories they shared.

As she turned to face the wave of spirits, readying her hand into the position for the Nine Cuts, she tightened one fist involuntarily. She would be damned if she lost her family again.

* * *

**Dunno. Seemed like a good idea at the time ;)**

**Next time on An Anthology of Minor Lunacy; prompt number 72; Mischief Managed! The title is; Pranksters, or, The Third Time Mai Fell Down a Well!**

**Remember to drop me review!**


	7. Mischief Managed

**Hello, hello! Some lovely pranking being done to Naru and Mai? Whoever would have thought! Ayako/Bou-san if you squint really, really hard, same with Naru/Mai. Translations at the bottom.**

**Now, I realize that I haven't really been acknowledging all of you, soo... thank you to all of my lovely reviewers, readers, favouritees, and followers! This fic wouldn't be the same without you :) Next chapter is also going to be for a reviewer :)**

**Fun fact; before the A/N, this drabble had 555 words!**

**Disclaimer; Ha. Naru would **_**kill**_** me if I tried to push him down a well.**

* * *

**Prompt number 72; Mischief Managed**

**Pranksters, or, The Third Time Mai Fell Down a Well**

* * *

T_here is a fine line between dedication and insanity,_ Naru thinks to himself as he brushes cobwebs off of his usually-pristine jacket. What could have possibly possessed him (literally or figuratively) to set up a company that hunts ghosts, of all things, is beyond his comprehension.

Scowling, he picks himself up off of the cold concrete floor and spares a sidelong glance to his left. "Owwww..." comes the expected feminine whimper. Naru sighs loudly.

"I thought I told you that if you were going to fall down wells, you were not to drag me with you."

Almost immediately, Mai's pained face morphs to one of annoyance, and Naru mentally prepares himself for yet another bout of scolding. How such a small girl can have such a loud voice is an ongoing mystery, he muses.

"Well, excuse ME, Mr I-know-everything-that-Mai-doesn't, for being pushed, _not_ dragged, down a well by the spirit that YOU said didn't exist!"

"That can't be a healthy shade of red, Mai. And I never said it didn't exist. I said it was highly unlikely."

Naru watches Mai's brown eyes widen in incredulity as she clenches her fists by her sides and puffs out her cheeks. She's so predictable it's painful. He sighs again, crossing his arms as he waits for her to finish.

Being stuck in a musty old well is one thing, but being stuck in a well with a brunette bombshell is quite another.

"I can't believe you! Stupid work-obsessed moronic scientist!"

"Mai, look at it this way. At least now we have an outline of what we are dealing with. And I still doubt that this is the work of a restless spirit."

"Eh?"

"Did you notice a drop in temperature when you fell down here?"

"For the last time, I was pushed! I didn't _fall_, or even trip! Besides, weren't you pushed as well?"

Naru refuses to believe that his normally oblivious assistant may have a point. For once, it was not her fault that they were in this predicament, as it had been the first two times. This time, there was no refuting the fact that they had both been pushed down into the abyss.

Although, it was strange that this had happened on their first day on site, and Naru was sure that he had heard an awfully familiar giggle as hands roughly shoved him in the back.

Come to think of it, wasn't it that blasted miko who had announced the presence of a chirei in the first place...?

"Mai."

"WHAT, Naru?"

"Do you have your cell phone with you?"

"Of course, I always carry it with me wherever I g-"

"Do you have reception?"

"A little, bu-"

"Call Matsuzaki-san. Now."

"Would you stop interrupting me-!"

"Sometime this decade would be nice."

"Fine! Be that way."

Mai pulls her pink phone out of her jumper pocket with a huff, flipping open the top with what can only be described as childish anger. She punches in a number quickly (speed-dial, Naru notes amusedly), and then hands over the device to her irritable boss.

"... Matsuzaki-san. A word with you, if you please."

"..."

Despite the glare she can feel humming over the crackling connection, Ayako grins as she motions for Takigawa to stop laughing in the background.

* * *

**... In case nobody got that, Ayako and Takigawa pushed Naru and Mai down a well. For the lulz. Made sense in my headcanon :p**

**Translations!**

**Chirei; Earth-bound spirit or land spirit. Yeah, that brick joke with Ayako ;)**

**Next time on An Anthology of Minor Lunacy; prompt number 6; Break Away! The title is; Porcelain, or, The Evolution of Ayako! ****Remember to drop me a review!**


	8. Break Away

**Oh, hello. SO I have an explanation; I went for a little jaunt in England! Free cyber-tea for everyone, yes, yes. Right. So I was going to do a Yasu drabble for lovely miss AliceInUnderland3465, and it wouldn't :( So as we both support the Takigawa/Ayako ship, THIS happened instead. The Yasuhara fic will appear at some point, just not immediately, and I humbly apologize.**

**This is because I like to firmly believe that Ayako and Bou knew each other before SPR even appeared. After all, they did show up together in the first case ;) I like to think they're around 15-17 in this one.**

**Disclaimer; All rights go to Fuyumi Ono **

* * *

**Prompt number 6; Break Away**

**Porcelain, or, The Evolution of Ayako**

* * *

"I WON'T!"

Ayako wheeled around as the indignant scream left her mouth, storming towards the swinging double doors of her parents' hospital. _They won't even slam,_ she thought bitterly, hating the soft-closing mechanics of everything around her, hating her parents, hating herself.

Her footsteps slapped loudly on the sterile tile floor, shiny black flats purposefully leaving big black streaks as the soles wore off of their bottoms. _That's all I am to them,_ Ayako thought, _a black mark on their perfect record._

Glass doors slid silently open for her slender form as the teenager stalked through the main entrance. As she brushed past the carefully maintained orchids, she gasped, their voices crowding out her own thoughts. "Leave. Me. Alone!" she cried, snatching her hand back as though it had been burned.

People parted automatically for the enraged girl as she blazed down the sidewalk, a smoldering aura of anger engulfing her. She barely even noticed that she had almost left the city until she heard a voice from behind her.

"Matsuzaki?"

She spun around quickly, her red hair flying over her shoulders as she tried to determine who was talking to her. "Up here." Sitting on a rickety wooden fence, the shaggy-haired boy grinned and waved at her, jumping down casually and walking in her direction.

"What," she ground out between her teeth. It was a statement, not a question, and a murderous one at that. "Whoa, don't bite my head off, Ayako," said the boy, plucking his headphones off and slinging them around his neck.

"Piss off, Takigawa," Ayako said, venom lacing her voice. "And don't you drop name honorifics with me, you ass!" Takigawa took a step back, and Ayako felt savage satisfaction mixed with a tinge of guilt flood her. For once, he really hadn't done anything wrong.

Ayako turned to leave, planning on heading to her favourite patch of trees on the outskirts of town. They were the oldest, and the nicest, of any she had encountered. Maybe they would understand. More than her parents had, anyways.

"Hey." A heavy hand dropped onto her shoulder, and Ayako felt the anger drain from her, trickling down through her feet into the earth. Suddenly, she simply felt excruciatingly tired, and sad, and alone. "Ayako, what's wrong? You're crying."

She blinked. "Am I?" Her hands came away from her cheeks wet and stained black with runny mascara. "Oh, _shit_." Takigawa looked surprised. "What happened? Tell me what's wrong," he said, searching her face for an indication or a clue as to what could make Ayako, strong, fearless Ayako, break down into tears.

Something in his eyes made her snap, and the next thing he knew, Takigawa had a sobbing redhead clinging desperately to the front of his shirt. A moment of weakness, Ayako would put it later, a momentary lapse in sanity. It certainly didn't mean anything. Neither did her garbled explanation, she was sure.

"My parents- they said that I can't- I don't wanna be a doctor like them! -called me a freak-" "You're not a freak," Takigawa interrupted quietly, wrapping his arms around her tightly. "Hey! You- what do you think you're doing?! I'm going to get makeup all over your shirt!" His laughter rumbled through his chest, and Ayako blushed and fell silent, feeling the humming vibrations.

"You're not a freak," Takigawa repeated calmly. "So what if you can talk to trees? So what if you don't want to be stuck in a dingy old hospital forever? So what if you want to be a priestess? I don't mind," he said, his calm monologue causing Ayako's watery eyes to widen.

"Who asked what YOU thought?" Ayako interjected, and she could feel repressed laughter building up in the boy next to her. "You do what you like," he said, releasing her with a smile and fondly ruffling her hair. "I won't think any less of you, Ayako-chan."

Ayako stared as he let go of her and swung his earbuds around his index finger, flicking through his music until he found a song he wanted. The melody blared out past the confined space of Takigawa's ears, and Ayako could hear the words clearly as he strolled away, humming under his breath.

* * *

"Ne, miko, what are you humming with that melodious voice of yours?"

"Piss off, you stupid monk. It's none of your business, now, is it?"

"It's always my business! I'm wounded, Ayako!"

"I told you! Don't drop name honorifics with me!"

"OUCH! You sadist!"

"Hmph. Serves you right."

* * *

_When your heart releases, you won't fall to pieces; you'll let those old diseases lie_

_Oh, when your heart releases, you won't fall to pieces, and your breath comes crashing in like perfect porcelain_

_The slow and simple melody of tears you cannot keep from me_

_It's alright if you don't know what you need_

* * *

**I actually love this :D**

**Next time on An Anthology of Minor Lunacy; prompt number 53; Keeping a Secret! The title is; China Doll, or, Behind a Kimono Sleeve!**

**Remember to drop me a review!**


	9. Keeping a Secret

**So I know a lot of people don't really like Masako, because she gets in the way of the Naru/Mai ship, and I have to say, I do resent her a bit for that. However! She's still an interesting character, and this fic is for all of SPR, not just all of the lovely ships. So.**

**Again, thank you to everyone who reads, reviews, favourites, and follows this story! It wouldn't have happened without you! And... (Insert shameless self-advertising) I've just posted a new story for anyone who's played (or watched someone play) Ib- check it out if you have time!**

**Disclaimer; Excuse me while I drown in my tea.**

* * *

**Prompt number 53; Keeping a Secret**

**China Doll, or, Behind a Kimono Sleeve**

* * *

Masako was always very good at faking. It was an action-reaction sort of thing; to fool people, do exactly the opposite of what they'd expect. When in doubt, smile politely and act every inch like the gracious woman the media had come to accept. It always worked.

She had done it ever since she was a child, and she had discovered her powers as a medium. When her father yelled at her, she was sure he expected her to cry out or throw a tantrum, so she did the reverse. Masako had calmly stated that if it bothered him, she would try not to use her clairvoyance in the house again, and hid her trembling lips behind her overlarge pajama sleeve as she tried not to cry.

After that, it just spun out of control. When the media accused her of fraud, she smiled politely and suggested that they could be right, and they could presume whatever they wanted to.

When she was confronted by zealous fans, she wanted to kick out and yell that she was not a doll, she was a person. Instead, she quietly signed their books and DVDs, and frowned behind a kimono sleeve held up to her mouth.

For every action, Masako had a positive reaction, and she grew to superstar fame for not only her psychic control, but also for her poised and collected manner. She learned to cover up her emotions behind a mask, and to be quiet and dainty, and not let her anger and frustration through.

So when she was hired by a company by the name of SPR to investigate a haunted schoolhouse, she was surprised to see who the manager was. But instead of gasping out loud at the fact that THE Oliver Davis was in urban Japan, she smiled politely as introductions were made.

And when she asked him,

"Have we met before?"

because she had been at one of his infamous demonstrations, and, after all, he was Oliver Davis and she was Hara Masako and they had certainly met at one point or another and he said,

"No, I don't believe so, Hara-san,"

she did what she had always done. Masako shook his hand delicately while smiling that same tiny, demure smile, and then hid her mouth behind brightly patterned fabric as her brow creased in confusion. Why hadn't he acknowledged her?

But after careful deliberation, Masako turned back to him and lightly said,

"My mistake, you must be right."

Because after all, everyone has some secrets they want to keep to themselves, and this was just another one to add to her collection.

* * *

**You all love her. Deep down inside. Really.**

**Next time on An Anthology of Minor Lunacy; prompt number 65; Horror! The title is; Keep Running, or, Let's Play a Game!**

**Remember to drop me a review!**


	10. Horror

**So, as many of you know, I sing, and my friend and I have started a YouTube channel called IntoTheDrinkBand. If you guys like Ed Sheeran or Maroon5, check it out, because we've done covers of both, and soon we're going to have a Passenger cover out as well. Check it out, give us a like or a comment :) Would be muchly appreciated. I say this because we were recording last night, and that's why I couldn't upload... :p**

**Anyways... I got sucked into the world of horror RPGs recently, and THIS happened. I think Ib is my favourite so far, but... we'll see. If any of you have recommendations that'd be awesome!**

**Disclaimer; I do not own a) Ghost Hunt, b) Mad Father, Ib, Hello? Hell... o?, or Slender, and c) the Marianas Trench song Porcelain, which I used a while back in a chapter of the same name.**

* * *

**Prompt number 65; Horror**

**Keep Running, or, Let's Play a Game**

* * *

"What's going on? Why did the door suddenly close- oh God. Run! Run as fast as you can! Runrunrunrunrun you stupid little girl!"

The girl runs down the darkened hallway as quickly as she can, heart pounding and pulse beating a tattoo in her ears as she rounds yet another corner, speeding up as she hears the familiar scrabbling noise. Her partner, not far behind, grabs her hand and sprints, dragging her along with him in his panic.

"Run! I told you to run! Come on, we need to go faster why won't you MOVE!"

The sound of a chainsaw fills her ears as she sprints past rows and rows of dolls, all eerily turned to watch her flight. Grimacing, the girl speeds up, her hand tightly clasped in her companion's. Spotting a familiar bloodstain on the wall (she hadn't realized the mansion was this grotesque), she quickly glances at him and tugs him quickly into the room.

As soon as they enter, the boy grabs the key and shoves it in the lock, slamming the door behind them. He then leans against it as the girl's father shrieks and scratches at the wood. Panting heavily, the girl slides down the wall and collapses, pulling her knees to herself as she prepares to wait out the night.

"YES! I reached a save point!"

"Jou-chan? Are you playing Mad Father?! I love that game so much!"

"... Bou-san, I think you're a bit old for that game..."

* * *

A fresh rose glistens in a crystal vase, its ruby red petals enticing her forward. She stops, and reads the sign in front of the flower, her brow furrowed in concentration.

"The rose and I are... What? Know the weight of your own life? What is this?"

She's already run from a walking portrait, dropped a mannequin down a chasm, and lost at least two of her five petals to spraying acid and little blue dolls. How much more must she take to get out of here? The girl sighs and pushes open another door, staying clear of the walls. After her encounter with the groping black hands in the last room, she's not really sure she wants to touch anything else in here.

As soon as she steps into the room, she knows something is wrong. The portraits are no longer beautiful and colourful, with titles like, "Fabricated World." Instead, they are filled with shades of dark primary colours and monochromatic designs. One is entitled, "Spectacle of Century's End," another, "Bitter Fruit." Yet another has the somber title, "The Process of Execution." She shudders and walks on.

"Where the heck AM I?"

"Watch out for that guilloti- oh. Mai, you ruined it. Now you have to start over."

"Well, excuse ME, Miss Perfection, obviously you can play a game better than I can!"

"Obviously. After all, I can do everything else better as well."

"Why, you smug little kimono-wearing-!"

* * *

Her phone rings. At first, it's a seemingly innocuous event, but at a second glance, its meaning is much darker. She glances nervously at the phone, fiddling with the wine glass in front of her and watching the flames reflect off of the glass.

The phone buzzes once again, and she jumps, knocking over a vase of flowers and spilling water everywhere. The fire hisses its disapproval, and she spares it a glare. Hesitantly, she reaches for the phone, and nearly jumps out of her skin when it buzzes a third time, jumping straight to voice mail before she can answer.

"Hello? Hell... o? What? What kind of game is this- YAAAAA!"

"Oh, Ayako, you lose. Too bad, I was getting really far into that RPG."

"What do you mean, I lose?! I didn't even do anything! Ne, Mai. Mai, I say! Why did the title screen change?"

"..."

"Mai?!"

* * *

Leaves crunch beneath her feet, and the girl can see her breath floating in front of her in icy white clouds, shimmering and fading into the darkening night. The night is getting colder, and she shivers, though whether it's because she's cold or scared, it's hard to tell.

A footstep crunches quietly behind her, and she jumps, spinning around to try and catch a glimpse of the elusive figure she knows is somewhere behind her. One of the crumpled yellow pages slips out of her grasp and flutters to the damp forest floor, landing with its black writing starkly visible against the paper. _Help me._ Shuddering, she scoops up the paper quickly, tucking it into her shirt, and starts to walk with just a little bit more urgency.

"Aw, no. My flashlight just died. Seriously?"

"If you hadn't had it on this whole time, the battery wouldn't have died."

"But, Naru! Then he can _find _you!"

Cursing softly, she hits the flashlight against the palm of her hand. When it refuses to light, her eyes widen in horror. Now he's coming. Her pace quickens, cold sweat beading at her hairline and in her palms. The flashlight slips from her grasp and clatters to the ground. She freezes. He certainly heard that.

"Mai, give the controller to me. You're panicking."

"H-hai…"

A crunch sounds behind the shadowy figure, but by the time it turns, it's too late. Static crackles at the edges of fading vision, and black and white blurry lines fade in and out of focus as it gets closer and closer, blank white face staring hungrily at the falling victim. The Slender Man smiles, a grotesque grin tugging at its cloth features.

"Naruuu! You killed me!"

"Oops. My mistake. Maybe you should get to work now instead of playing around."

* * *

Mai sprints down yet another corridor, hair flying behind her, feet slamming into the wooden floorboards as she tries in vain to get away from whatever it is that's chasing her. Looking back over her shoulder, she can see a vague outline forming in the dark, and she screams as something grabs at her arms.

Looking down, there are two translucent hands gripping her forearms, and she struggles to scream as another hand is held over her mouth. Mai's eyes widen in fear as the monster steps closer, foul breath washing over her as he holds up a bloody knife to her neck and-

"Oh. My. God. You have GOT to be kidding me. I got you THIS FAR, and you mess it up? I got you all the way to the Bloodstained Labyrinth case! That's, like, second last!"

"Sorry, sorry! I can't punch the buttons as fast as you, can I? Besides, this Ghost Hunt game isn't real, right? Nothing's going to actually happen."

"Of course it's not real. How could it be?"

* * *

**TWIST! I would love a Ghost Hunt game so much. Someone should make one for me for my birthday in May. Start now! **

**... Just kidding :p**

**Next time, on An Anthology of Minor Lunacy; prompt number 78; Drink! The title is; Cold Tea, or, Mai Cleans Out the Cupboard!**

**Remember to drop me a review (and check out our YouTube channel)!**


	11. Drink

**So I swear this is one of my favourite chapters. This is how I figure Mai would try to cope with Naru leaving for England, because as romantic as pining after him would be, I highly doubt that Mai is that type of person.**

**This is part one of a two part series, partnered with the next chapter, and I hope you enjoy it! I really love it :D**

**Disclaimer; Don't sue me, for goodness' sake. Let me enjoy the little bit of happiness I have left.**

* * *

**Prompt number 78; Drink**

**Cold Tea, or, Mai Cleans Out the Cupboard**

* * *

They don't know Naru like I do. I'm sure of it.

In England, I don't think they have proper green tea. Or white tea. Or jasmine tea, even though Lin likes that better than Naru.

He won't find an assistant as willing to put up with him as I was. And even if he does, it'll take her months to learn how he likes his tea. She won't last long enough for that.

Only I know that Naru usually drinks earl grey out of an English bone china teacup patterned with blue lacey flowers. And that he likes milk in it in the morning, but during the day, he likes it black. And if you add milk, you must be sure to add the milk before the tea, so that it mixes without the use of a spoon and so the milk doesn't scald.

They don't know how much work goes into making fifteen cups of tea a day, and how many kettles that is to lift, or how much time that is spent in the kitchen making sure the water is exactly the right temperature.

They don't know that he hates chamomile because it tastes like grass mixed with rice pudding (what rice pudding is, I'm really not too sure), or that herbal berry teas are for imbecilic tea drinking impostors or ignorant Japanese tourists. I know all of this, of course.

Naru says he doesn't like spearmint, but if he's got a headache and you put it in front of him, he'll drink it anyways and be less sulky afterwards. You can tell if he has a headache by how often he sighs, or if he's massaging his temples, or if his posture isn't ramrod straight in his chair.

He's especially fond of bergamot, but it's hard to find in Japan, so I save it for special occasions like holidays or when we finish a case. Whenever that happens, Ayako always demands some as well, because it's supposed to be sophisticated.

Licorice is apparently a tea for elderly ladies, and chai is suitable only on cold autumn days when I feel like it is absolutely necessary. And even then, it needs to have milk and sugar stirred into it. Ginger-lemon tea is banned from the office, and so is the pomegranate stuff Masako brought in once because she saw it was high in antioxidants.

Green tea, black tea, and white tea are all fine, but only brewed by the cupful, not in a teapot or tea maker. Blooming teas are a waste of cupboard space, and so I took them home and they were never mentioned again. Oolong and rooibos are only acceptable when every single other tea has run out, and so they're kept at the back of the pantry.

I don't think the maids and assistants in England are going to remember this much. Maybe I should write them a letter.

I know that Naru is fond (even if he never says it) of the mug we bought during the school case. The one I solved basically by myself. Even though it's supposed to be a tooth-brushing mug, we all kept ours, and Naru's sits up at the top of the cabinet. If I'm feeling especially nostalgic, I'll use that cup to make tea, and when I bring it into his office, this is usually how the conversation will go:

"Your tea, your majesty. Don't mind me waiting for a thank you or anything."

"Don't worry, I won't. What on earth is that, Mai?"

"A cup of tea...?"

"Mai..."

"Oh, that! It's the mug we bought on one of our cases."

"You still keep that thing? You should throw it away, it's taking up space in the kitchen."

"It is NOT! It's half the size of your box of tea! Which, by the way, has gone up in price. You OWE me!"

"Hn. I'll deal with it later."

"You JERK! I hate you!"

When I come back to make a fresh cup of tea, though, his mug is always empty. I bet they don't have whimsical mugs in England. They probably only have mugs with the queen's face on them or something dumb. Flowers and fruits and stuff. Not little chibi turtles and frogs and foxes and bears.

Or good assistants. I'm one hundred percent sure that Naru won't be able to find a decent assistant in England, and he'll eventually come back here. They don't have very good white tea, either, though they have excellent earl grey.

He HAS to come back. He HAS to.

After all, who's going to make his tea for him over there?

* * *

**Uwaa... :( It makes me sad and fuzzy at the same time... Is that bad?**

**Next time on An Anthology of Minor Lunacy; prompt number 15; Silence! The title is; Minor Differences, or, Decibels Reaching Oprah Level!**

**Remember to drop me a review!**


	12. Silence

**As mentioned before, this is a partner fic to the previous chapter showing Naru's side of things. It makes me sad :(**

**The title comes from a joke in my Ranger unit; whenever we get too loud, someone yells, "Decibels reaching Oprah level!" and we all shut up. It's pretty cool.**

**This, I've decided, is dedicated to Amy-chan, who has been faithfully reviewing all of my chapters thus far. Cheers to you, love.**

**Disclaimer; Don't sue me. Please.**

* * *

**Prompt number 15; Silence**

**Minor Differences, or, Decibels Reaching Oprah Level**

* * *

Naru had never realized how loud his office usually was.

There was always something. If it wasn't the rustling of textbook pages, it was the gentle tapping of Mai's knuckles on the door, asking if he'd like some more tea. And if it wasn't that, it was the small tin kettle either bubbling merrily on the stove or shrieking as it forcefully expelled water vapour all over the kitchen.

He hadn't realized how loud Mai was when she talked on the phone, gushing over Keiko and Michiru's current boyfriends and the movie they were going to see next Friday. Or how deafeningly loud she was when she announced that she was going out on a break now because he owed her time, and would he like anything from the store? To which his answer would be a short, abrupt, "No."

And that was only Mai. As much as Naru liked to blame everything on her (if only to see her get angry, because it honestly could be considered endearing), much of the noise was hardly her fault. In comparison to Takigawa and Ayako, Mai was little more than a talkative mouse.

The raucous laughter in the main room usually faded to a dull roar when Naru had enough sense to tune them out, but the occasional exclamation slipped through every now and then. The sounds of a leather handbag hitting skin and an ever-surprised, "Ow!" were not uncommon experiences.

Even quiet Masako and John made noise, their elaborate clothing swishing gently when they walked up and down the halls. Naru hadn't realized any of this until he returned to England, and was given an office to call his own.

Lin had grown even more withdrawn upon their return to Europe, and had taken to working in his own lodgings, only appearing for important debriefing sessions, and only then upon specific request. Naru hadn't known that his steady tapping at the keyboard had created such a lulling white noise until it was absent.

Even Madoka's chatter couldn't equate to the tiny office in Japan, her cheerful voice the complete opposite of the content of her words. She would babble on in carefree tones about psychic abnormalities, or disturbances in energy fluctuations with blank eyes, and Naru would miss the mindless ruckus around him.

In England, everything was prim and proper and tidy. White lace doilies under the lamps, carefully arranged flowers in the vases, and not a single speck of dust on anything. So different from Shibuya, where files lay open on the tables, paper strewn everywhere, and tea leaves littered the counters because yes, Mai had neglected to ask for help opening the sticky container again.

In England, everyone was careful and polite about what they said to him in their contrivedly sincere tones. Because after all, here, he was Professor Oliver Davis, expert on all things supernatural, child genius, and psychic extraordinaire. In Japan, everyone yelled and talked and snarked right back at him because he was Shibuya Kazuya, more commonly known as Naru.

He was Naru, for goodness' sake. Short for narushisuto. Narcissist. Over there, he was just the young manager of a small company who had his odd quirks and an extremely sharp tongue. Not someone to be idolized and paraded around, just a mostly ordinary teenage boy.

Naru glanced out the window, a passing bird catching the corner of his eye and breaking his train of thought. He sighed, surveying the sprawling English countryside. Over here, the silence was deafening.

* * *

**Before y'all get on my case, I've seen the Japanese transliteration of narcissist spelled two ways; narushisuto, and narushishisuto. Depends on the sub you're watching, I guess.**

**Next time, on An Anthology of Minor Lunacy; prompt number 80; Words! The title is; Definitions, or, EmergentWriter Tries (and Fails) to Write a Crackfic (oh yes, you're all in trouble now)!**

**Remember to drop me a review!**


	13. Words

******What can I say? I was bored and really, really tired :p And then this happened -_-**

**Definitions will be at the bottom for all of the assorted Japanese I've thrown in here, because there's rather a lot in this one, including one lovely stealth pun. Different fonts indicate different peoples' writing, because doesn't really do fonts. Usually bold is Mai or Bou-san, italics are Ayako and Naru, and normal font is writing and/or anyone else. Hope that isn't confusing.**

**In other notes, I'm re-vamping my story "The Fighter"! *excitement***

**Disclaimer; I want a copy of this dictionary. But the characters aren't mine :( Neither is It's A Small World, but I don't particularly want to own that.**

* * *

**Prompt number 80; Words**

**Definitions, or, EmergentWriter Tries (and Fails) to Write a Crackfic**

* * *

Chirei (chee-ray); _Responsible for absolutely nothing until the one day I don't say ANYTHING, and then everything is suddenly my fault for not identifying it._

**This must be the work of an earthbound spirit.**

_Shut up, you stupid monk. Go find somewhere else to write._

See also; earthbound spirit, land spirit

Source(s); Matsuzaki Ayako, Takigawa Houshou

* * *

Tea (tee); **Apparently the only thing that stupid narcissist ever drinks. I mean, seriously, how come he doesn't even have to go the washroom every half hour? It's ridiculous. Really.**

See also; Naru, Mai, kettle, cup

Source(s); Taniyama Mai

* * *

In Principio (in prin-see-pee-oh); _Latin for "In the beginning," used in the first line of Genesis, which is the first book of the Christian bible. Used as a powerful phrase or mantra in exorcisms._

**That thingy John says when he gets rid of ghosts.**

See also; bible, exorcism, John, holy water

Source(s); John Brown, Taniyama Mai

* * *

Tokkosho (to-ko-sho); **... Hey, does anyone know what this thing actually is?**

_I think it's that pointy thing Bou-san uses._

Which pointy thing? There's a few.

**AYAKO!**

_And you would know this how?_

Well, there was that one time when-

**-The rest of this entry has been deemed unfit for public viewing-**

See also; You don't want to see anything else. Really.

Source(s); Everyone except Bou-san and Naru, really

* * *

Norito (no-ree-to); **When Ayako shakes her paper wotsit around and does her Shinto mojo.**

_No one says mojo anymore, Bou-san._

**I do.**

I thought it was the seaweed you wrap stuff in?

**That's nori, shounen.**

See also; mantra, Shinto, naumaka sanmanda whatevertheheckitis

Sources; Takigawa Houshou, Taniyama Mai, Yasuhara- hey, does anyone know Yasu's name?

* * *

Yes (yes); _English affirmative statement, translation of the Japanese affirmative, "Hai". When incorrectly read by sub-viewers as "Yesh," and when apparently said by Naru in response to the question, "Would you like some tea?" this can lead to fits of hysterics and possible conniptions._

**It's ok, I thought he said that once too.**

_And I thought it was only us viewers..._

See also; subs, mistranslation, apparent dyslexia

Source(s); Two very confused fans, Taniyama Mai

* * *

Shibuya "Naru" Kazuya (shee-boo-ya na-roo ka-zoo-ya); **The most arrogant, narcissistic, self-centered, egotistical, fat-headed-**

_Hyphenating already, Mai?_

**-perfectionist, idiotic scientistist-**

_That's not a word, you know._

**-INTERRUPTABLE, incorrigable, insufferable, intolerable-**

How about OUTwardly shining with good looks?

**... Yasu, go away. You're being creepy and your puns aren't funny.**

**-stingy, workaholic, sarcastic, coldhearted-**

Mai, you're writing through to the next page...

**-stupid, idiotic, oblivious, stuckup, annoying, irritating-**

Mai, we really should be going...

... Ok.

_-handsome, beautiful, dreamy, jaw-droppingly gorgeous, amazing, stupendous, most attractive boss there ever was in the whole entire world._

See also; How can anything even begin to compare to my stunning visage?

Source(s); My marvelous self, topic of this entry, of course. Oh, and my lowly assistant.

* * *

"There!" exclaimed Naru, inking in the last word with a flourish. "That'll teach them to leave things like this lying around again." He turned to admire himself in the previously unheard-of mirror, pulling a comb from some unknown pocket and then straightening his luscious black hair with it.

"After all," he smirked, "it's not like what I wrote wasn't true." Then Naru blew himself a kiss in the mirror and left the office whistling It's a Small World After All.

* * *

Behind the sofa, Bou-san's eyes grew huge as he watched his normally-sullen boss stroll out the door while whistling the most iconic and annoying Disney song there is.

"Mai..." he started, looking carefully over at her, "what did you put in his tea this morning?" Mai looked back, her brown eyes even wider than his own. She gulped nervously and glanced at the door.

"He didn't have any tea today."

* * *

**Definitions (for real);**

**Chirei; Literally means "earthbound spirit."**

**Tokkosho; It's the double-edged little thing Bou-san uses in exorcisms.**

**Norito; Shinto chanting used by Ayako for cleansing.**

**Nori; Seaweed that is wrapped around rice to make basic sushi.**

**Next time on An Anthology of Minor Lunacy; prompt number 70; 67%! The title is, A Proposition, or, There is Something in Naru's Cup Other Than Tea!**

**Remember to drop me a review!**


	14. 67

**What? EmergentWriter is updating?! Yeah, yeah, I got it. I'm sorry this took so long, but I've been sick a little bit and altogether very busy. Here, let me appease you with this overwhelming fluff.**

**Disclaimer; I do not own Ghost Hunt. I do, however, own a spectacular cold. Would anyone like it?**

* * *

**Prompt number 70; 67%**

**A Proposition, or, There is Something in Naru's Cup Other Than Tea**

* * *

... 67 percent.

Naru was 67 percent sure that when Mai brought him his cup of tea, her hand trembled slightly as she placed the cup on his desk. That only happened when she was nervous, he thought pensively. After seven years working together, he knew quite a lot more about her than he let on.

* * *

Mai, on the other hand, was sitting in the kitchen, gripping the edge of the linoleum counter a little too tightly and thinking to herself that percentage-wise, there was a 67 percent chance that this was not a good idea.

Mai wasn't particularly known for her good ideas. Even at twenty-three years old.

* * *

The pen tapping on the side of Naru's desk gave away his agitation as he swirled around the liquid in his cup. He sighed as he held it up to the light, wondering why his black tea was so strong and dark and bitter and not see-through amber like it usually was.

He was 67 percent suspicious that there was something up with Mai, but he just sighed again and called wearily down the hall.

"Mai! More tea! This stuff you made is absolutely horrid!"

Her response was quick and expected. "Just drink your tea, stupid narcissist!" Naru groaned exasperatedly, yet almost fondly, into his palms. Almost 68 percent, but not quite.

* * *

After yelling back, Mai ran her hands through shoulder-length brown hair and sat down heavily on a wooden chair. There was a 33 percent chance that he'd say either no or not say anything at all, and an overwhelming 67 percent chance that he'd say yes and she had nothing to worry about.

It would be fine. Really.

* * *

Something clinked at the bottom of Naru's cup. He frowned. Had Mai forgotten the tea ball in the drink again? Quickly, he drained the rest of the drink and grimaced. Much too bitter for Mai's usually impeccable skills. He looked into the bottom of the tannin-stained cup, tilting it slightly to catch the light from his computer screen.

The item was circular. And shiny. And about the size of a small tea ball, to be honest (really, said his brain, is that the only comparison you can come up with?). Naru's lips twitched into something halfway between a smirk and a genuine smile as he carefully plucked the object from the cup. He should have known better. After all, there was a 67 percent chance it would happen today. And his calculations were always correct.

"Mai!" he called again, steepling his fingers and resting his elbows on his desk. "Come in here for a moment."

* * *

Mai jumped in her chair when she heard Naru shouting, and forced herself not to jump up and run down the hall. Instead, she puffed out her cheeks, blew out a long breath, and sighed. "Fine, fine! I'm coming!"

As she walked down the hall, she nervously wound her fingers into the hem of her black cotton skirt. This was a bad idea, she decided. Altogether a bad idea. I am never listening to Ayako ever again. Mai stopped outside Naru's door and took a deep breath, so deep she thought that her lungs would burst, and then raised a hand to rap on the imposing wooden door.

Her curled fingers met with crisp black fabric (he still wore black out of habit) and Mai jumped backwards with a little shriek. "Naru! I was just going to- I mean, I was-" Naru raised one arched eyebrow at her antics. "You were...?" "N-nothing! I was just coming to see.. how... your tea was...?" So much for keeping her cool.

Naru's slender fingers wrapped around Mai's wrist, and he firmly, if not gently, pulled her into his office. "There is something unusual in my teacup," he stated, pointing one pale finger in the general direction of his desk, sweeping the other hand roughly through his hair.

"R-really?" said Mai, twisting the hem of her skirt into an unrecognizable knot. "That's odd," she said, her gaze flitting around the room, landing on anything other than Naru's impassive blue eyes. "Very," he agreed. "If you could have a look and tell me what you find...?" He gestured again towards his desk, and Mai nervously stepped towards the indicated piece of furniture.

Holding her breath, she turned away from Naru and towards the fine china cup, squeezing her eyes shut as she did so. By closing her eyes, she missed the knowing smirk on the face of the man standing behind her, and the way his hands were also clasped tightly behind his back.

Mai peered into the cup. There was still something circular, shiny, and tea ball sized in it. "You switched the- that's the wrong- but I was sure it was..." Mai's eyes grew hugely rounded as the truth hit her. "THAT," she started indignantly, "is certainly NOT the ring I-" She stopped, wheeling around, ready to jab a finger into Naru's chest, but stopped short when she realized that he was no less than a foot away from her. "I-" she gasped, her mistake catching up with her. "Oh, CRAP," she said despondently.

Naru's smug expression grew even more pronounced as he took in the sight of his assistant in front of him. "Mai," he said calmly. "What," came the sullen reply. She didn't seem terribly angry or sad, just sulky, he thought amusedly. Typical of her.

"Marry me."

There was dead silence in the room for a tormenting thirty seconds, and then;

"You absolute, narcissistic, self-centered, arrogant, oblivious JERK!"

Naru's eyes widened. This was certainly not the response he expected from Mai, though, now that he thought about it, he wasn't really sure what he had been expecting. "What?" he said blankly, incredulity washing over his face.

"That was MY line! I had this planned out for AGES with Ayako and Masako and Yasu and Bou and even John and Lin-san and I went and got a ring and everything and that's why I kept asking for raises NOT so I could go see the movies with Michiru and Keiko who by the way were also in on this and then you just take my line like it's no problem at all and I -mmph!"

Naru, who had watching Mai with amusement, had decided that the easiest way to get her to be quiet was, like usual, to kiss her. Mai, for her part, resolved to make Naru's tea stronger, because he tasted even more like tea than usual as well as something inexplicably Naru. Then she resolved to stop thinking, because in this type of situation this usually qualified as a resounding yes.

When they pulled away from each other and Mai's head was against Naru's chest and his arms were around her almost too possessively tightly and her nose was filled with the scent of tea and rain and Naru's quiet, sincere, "Yes," was still echoing in her ears, Mai was one hundred percent certain that she had made the right choice.

* * *

**OOC much :p Let them eat fluff and whatnot.**

**Next time, on An Anthology of Minor Lunacy; prompt number 99; Solitude! The title is; My Diary, or, Ruminations of a Fifteen-Year-Old Genius!**

**Remember to drop me a review!**


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